Pauline Friedman Phillips, who under the name of Abigail Van Buren,
wrote the long-running "Dear Abby" advice column that was followed by
millions of newspaper readers throughout the world, has died. She was
94.
Publicist Gene Willis of Universal Uclick said Phillips died Wednesday after a long battle with Alzheimer's disease.
Phillips' column competed for decades with the advice column of Ann
Landers, written by her twin sister, Esther Friedman Lederer. Their
relationship was stormy in their early adult years, but later they
regained the close relationship they had growing up in Sioux City, Iowa.
The two columns differed in style. Ann Landers responded to
questioners with homey, detailed advice. Abby's replies were often
flippant one-liners.
Phillips admitted that
her advice changed over the years. When she started writing the column,
she was reluctant to advocate divorce:
"I
always thought that marriage should be forever," she explained. "I found
out through my readers that sometimes the best thing they can do is
part. If a man or woman is a constant cheater, the situation can be
intolerable. Especially if they have children. When kids see parents
fighting, or even sniping at each other, I think it is terribly
damaging."
She willingly expressed views that
she realized would bring protests. In a 1998 interview she remarked:
"Whenever I say a kind word about gays, I hear from people, and some of
them are damn mad. People throw Leviticus, Deuteronomy and other parts
of the Bible to me. It doesn't bother me. I've always been compassionate
toward gay people."
If the letters sounded
suicidal, she took a personal approach: "I'll call them. I say, `This is
Abby. How are you feeling? You sounded awfully low.' And they say,
`You're calling me?' After they start talking, you can suggest that they
get professional help."
Asked about Viagra,
she replied: "It's wonderful. Men who can't perform feel less than
manly, and Viagra takes them right off the spot."
About working mothers: "I think it's good to have a woman work if she
wants to and doesn't leave her children unattended -- if she has a
reliable person to care for them. Kids still need someone to watch them
until they are mature enough to make responsible decisions."
One trend Phillips adamantly opposed: children having sex as early as 12 years old.
"Kids grow up awfully fast these days," she said. "You should try to
have a good relationship with your kids, no matter what they do."
The woman known to the world as Ann Landers died in June 2002. Later
that year, the family revealed that Phillips had been diagnosed with
Alzheimer's disease. By then Phillips' daughter, Jeanne Phillips, who
had helped her mother with the Dear Abby column for years, was its sole
author.
Pauline Esther Friedman, known as
Popo, was born on Independence Day 1918 in Sioux City, Iowa, 17 minutes
after her identical twin, Esther Pauline (Eppie.). Their father was a
well-off owner of a movie theater chain. Their mother took care of the
home. Both were immigrants from Russia who had fled their native land in
1905 because of the persecution of Jews.
"My
parents came with nothing. They all came with nothing," Phillips said
in a 1986 Associated Press interview. She recalled that her parents
always remembered seeing the Statue of Liberty: "It's amazing the impact
the lady of the harbor had on them. They always held her dear, all
their lives."
The twins spent their
growing-up years together. They dressed alike, they both played the
violin, they wrote gossip columns for their high school and college
newspapers. They attended Morningside College in Sioux Falls. Two days
before their 21st birthday, they had a double wedding. Pauline married
Morton Phillips, a businessman, Esther married Jules Lederer, a business
executive and later founder of Budget Rent-a-Car. The twins' lives
diverged as they followed their husbands to different cities.
The Phillipses lived in Minneapolis, Eau Claire, Wis., and San
Francisco, and had a son and daughter, Edward Jay and Jeanne. Esther
lived in Chicago, had a daughter, Margo, and in 1955 she applied for and
was given the job of writing the advice column. She adopted the
existing column's name, Ann Landers.
Pauline,
who had been working for philanthropies and the Democratic Party,
followed her sister's lead, though she insisted it wasn't the reason for
her decision. She arranged for an interview with an editor of the San
Francisco Chronicle and presented sample columns, arguing that the
paper's lovelorn column was boring. The editors admired her breezy
style, and she was hired.
Searching for a
name for the column, Pauline chose Abigail from the Bible and Van Buren
from the eighth American president. Within a year she signed a 10-year
contract with the McNaught Syndicate, which spread her column across the
country.
"I was cocky," she admitted in 1998. "My contemporaries would come
